The truth about…having another baby

baby-scan

I held a newborn baby and had cuddles with another recently and it’s made me feel rather broody.

That delicious newborn smell and the lovely sleepy cuddles just brings back memories of my boys as babies.

I know I’m just remembering the good bits and forgetting the constant night feeds and tiredness through sleep deprivation though. Still, it doesn’t stop me from wondering whether you ever really know for certain when you are “done” having babies?

What factors do you consider –  age gap between children? How old you are? Money? Room in your house?

We always knew we wanted children and after we had E, even though it took me a while to come round to the idea of giving birth after being rushed to have an emergency c-section, I knew without question we would have another as we wanted him to have a brother or sister.

In my mind I’d only ever wanted to have two children and in my idyllic thinking when growing up it’d be a boy and a girl. Of course, you don’t get to choose these things and I can’t imagine not having two boys who share everything from clothes to toys and a room now.

I’m the eldest of three in my family and hubby is the youngest of two. Tragically, his older brother died back in 2011 when E was almost one….and it changed the way we thought about our own family unit.

For hubby, now he was the only child left he realised that everything would be down to him. A huge responsibility when you always had an older brother to look up to. I know he felt very lonely during that time, he said to me that no-one else knew exactly what he was going through. No one going through the same loss of losing their older brother….it made him look at things the way he hadn’t before. For him, having a third child would mean that should something terrible happen to one of our boys there would another sibling left who would know exactly what the other was going through. It’s a horrible thing to even have to imagine but I guess unless you have gone through that kind of loss it not something that would cross your mind.

For me, I’m undecided. Part of me feels that we are at a good stage in our lives where things are starting to get a little easier now the boys are a little older. The other part of me feels sad that if I were not to have another, I would have already gone through my last pregnancy, the thought of not having another child – no baby to have cuddles with and coo over, to teach how to crawl, walk and talk also saddens me a little…not to mention the chance to become a temporary SAHM whilst on mat leave again. I loved mat leave both times round even though by the end of the second time I was ready to return to work. If finances allowed, my ideal would be to work just 2-3 days a week and have an equal split between work life and home life – but that’s another post in itself….

I’m not sure I am quite ready to close the door completely on all “baby” related things just yet. I guess we’ll have to watch this space and see….

How about you? Are you definitely done having children or do you definitely want more – or like me are undecided? I’d love to hear from you.

16 Comments

  1. Hi Maria – nice to ‘virtually’ meet you! I think you’re right there are definitely a few factors that come into the equation when deciding how many children to have. For me, like you, I always thought two would be enough (I am one of two as well) and as it turns out I definitely don’t want to have any more (although I am in my 40s now). I also have two boys (born 2009 & 2012) although I really would have loved to have a girl – not enough to want to go through all that again though! It’s very tragic about your husband’s brother and I can see how that would play into the decision making process too. I can see you having another as you are one of three yourself and your husband would like it. Never say never! Thanks for linking up to #thetruthabout X

    • The decision to have number two was relatively easy – number three seems to be harder as there are alot more factors to consider!

      Thanks so much hosting. xx

  2. Your husband’s got a unique perspective, that’s for sure! We currently have 5 kids, and each one adds a whole new depth to the dynamics and number of relationships under one roof!

    Another thing to consider aside from a situation like your husband’s: eventually the children grow up and it becomes their responsibility to take care of mom and dad. Many hands make light work.

    #thetruthabout

  3. I want one more and I think we will have one, but I have to sort all my hip and back issues first as I’d never cope with pregnancy the way they are now! I do miss newborn cuddles!
    Stevie xx

  4. dont call me stepmum

    I’m like you, we knew that it would be foolish to have another as I am so unwell when I am pregnant, but now that things have settled, and aren’t as scary (although give me time, I will soon have a 2 year old and three year old) I feel sad that there won’t be another little one xxx I will have to steal all of my friends xxx #sharewithme

    • The thought of not having another seems so final to me which is why i don’t think I’m quite ready to close the door on it just yet… although having said that time is ticking as I have just turned 37 so if we don’t come to a decision soon it will have been made for us as I think having a baby over 40 is much harder! xxx

  5. I am the same I keep going back and forth saying I am completely done and then wait a newborn in my arms oh no I need another baby. And the circle goes round and round. I hope I come to a definite answer soon its quite frustrating but hubby wants no more for sure so I think my fate is sealed already. lol Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

  6. They say two or four children is the way to go, so no-one feels left out. Always wanted more. Got too old. All of my friends feel the same now we’re past it so I hope you manage a huge family. I’m so sorry to read about your husband’s brother. X

  7. Newcastle Family Life

    I have been thinking this too lately i have three children and i always said after my son was born 9 months ago that was it and i was never having any more. Logically i think my family is complete as im 31 now, i don’t think we could afford another and we don’t have the room and want holidays etc. But i hate the fact that i might never experience pregnancy again and i would love a chance to just enjoy having a newborn for once as i was too young with my first, very unwell after i had my second and ended up having surgery after she was born and i also had a 14 month old to look after when i had my third so i stuggled. xx #sharewithme

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*